San Francisco Whiz Bangers (1974)
aka The School Teachers
Country: USA | Director: Jim Babb
Language: English | Subtitles: none
Aspect ratio: 1.33:1 | Length: 62mn
Starring: Elvira Simpson, Sylvia Conners, Robert Washington
A pair of hairy schoolteachers sign up for a $19.95 tour of San Francisco’s nightlife. Margaret (ELVIRA SIMPSON) and Constance (SYLVIA CONNORS) meet their tour guide, Mr. Wally, a white pimp wearing shades and a fedora. He drags the two innocent virgins to a sex club and feeds them special drinks called San Francisco Whiz Bangers. Is this what you call an alcoholic beverage? ’slurs Margaret.
The gangly emcee introduces "our champion amateur love dancer, Big George!" Big G (TYLER HORNE), a gorilla whose knuckles just about scrape the ground, stumbles onstage with a huge, godforsaken erection. He brings out "Little Martha. "Mouths agape, our heroines watch in horror as he impales the wench with his saber.
Afterwards, a "volunteer" is requested. Wally votes for Constance:" Where’s your spirit of adventure?" Like a deer caught in the headlights, she is tossed on the stage with Big George Constance gets snatch-lapped by not only George but an overheated audience member." What’s happening?!" asks the unhinged schoolmarm. In the audience, Margaret (now drunk) jacks Wally off, then gums his grease gun.
Backstage, a lesbian with a foot fetish "auditions" for a job. ("We don’t just put any bitch on stage," says the owner.) She swallows him like an after dinner mint. "Have you ever heard of toe fucking?" She squats on his gnarly foot and pretty much defines the term "pussy-footing."
The next morning, their passions unleashed, Constance and Margaret vow to save up for another vacation and happily sixty-nine their way to orgasmic joy.
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